Hey everyone,

I'm not sure the direction this post is going to go in, just like I'm not sure if I'm going to be too repetitive. I'm posting it to get this off of my chest, as it's something I've been thinking about a lot over the past week.

I'm not sure if Manoa is where I want to be.

I know, I know, I talked about this last year. I thought that I would grow out of this- I really did. I thought that perhaps if I took classes I'm interested in and took advantage of more of what Manoa could offer that things would be different. But, truth be told, things are not much different. 

I would like to clarify, before I say more, that I mean this in an academic and social sense. Let me say that in no way does this post define my feelings of Oahu, just like, in no way, do I not like Oahu. I love the island, just not Manoa. 

Before this year started I made it my goal to take advantage of everything Manoa offered me, considering that I had given transferring some serious thought. I rushed, I became more active in the Korean club, and even tried for the collegiate magazine. However, along the way, I learned a few things. 

One- the Greek Life at Manoa is an idea that I am in love with that has been executed very poorly. The sisterhood I desired is not present at Manoa. I learned this when I rushed. The "sisterhood" at Manoa is backed by thousands in yearly dues for shirts that you pay extra for, events that are not mandatory, and quotas that must be met. If you're curious to read about my in-depth rushing experience, click HERE. 

Two- The Korean Club, while not as cliquey as last year, is hit or miss. In this semester, as many have argued, it falls more alongside the 'hit' category. The leadership isn't very present, and, unless your Korean is a rather high level, you might feel excluded. This can be prominently seen in the group chat, where the primary text is in Korean by the members in 300 and above. I thought that, by taking Korean, I would feel more welcome. And, while I do feel welcome, I have found it very hard to get to know the members, as my Korean level is so low. 

Three- The collegiate magazine is another way to surround yourself with your Sisters. I capitalize Sisters because that's everyone who is on the commitee- girls from one of the sororities on campus. I'm sure they're all lovely, but really, I don't want to feel excluded by not being a Sister, and I don't want this to be something that feels cliquey. 

Lastly, and I've said this I don't know how many times, but Manoa is not the college I envisioned myself at. When I pictured myself at a University, I wholeheartedly saw myself not only at a good school but an actual college. I mean this, of course, in the social sense. A school with a large quad, with a congregation of dozens of students all laying out or playing frisbee. Beautiful buildings that are really old but still hold well. Faculty who are easy to approach, and at the same time, make the effort to get to know you. Large lectures with hundreds of students that I can't all possibly know but would still enjoy attending. 8 am classes because I prefer waking up early now. All of this, and more, are things that I craved in picking my school. And, truth be told, I really wonder if I would be happy elsewhere. I really wonder if I would be better off attending a better school, even if it meant I would be paying much more. 

I'm constantly reminded of the decision I made to attend a lower school. I can't believe how hard I worked in high school, hard work that landed me interviews with Ivy League schools, to only end up here. Here is a place with no quad for students to gather at. The campus is primarily commuter, so the majority of kids in my classes still get driven to school by their parents. Here is a school with academics so easy, "I could fall asleep, wake up, and still get an A on my exam,". Here is a school where the professors don't make the effort to know you, and are very sardonic when you do ask for help. Here is a place where I do not feel like I'm getting the college experience, but merely living in a period. A place where nothing is coming and nothing is going. A pause in time. Nothing. Everyone around me is more concerned with going to the beach or spending their parents' money to really prioritize school. That is not who I am. I am somebody who loves education, whose desire to learn at a higher standard led her to applying at 7 tier one schools, and interviewing with every single one. I am a student who tries consistently to make the mark, and yet gets absolutely degraded by my teacher because the 10 hours of time I spend a week on their one class "isn't trying hard enough". Mind you, I'm in 18 credits, and since there are only 7 days a week, it is physically impossible to spend 10 hours studying for each class. 

At the end of last year, I was confident that this was "just a phase" or the onset of the Sophomore Slump. However, this week has quietly revealed to me that this wasn't a phase but that I was right. Manoa is not an academic place, but rather, simply a place where I am paying to eat, sleep, and live at a very low cost. 

I know that I shouldn't be complaining- "It is Hawaii after all!" But I really don't think people are understanding where it is that I'm coming from. It does not matter where I am, if I am paying I truly believe I should be happy. Don't you?

I hope the rest of the week treats you well. 

Until next time,

Aislinn